…because i’m a twentysomething

winning

today was meaningful

when i was thirteen, i couldn’t wait to be eighteen.  i thought i’d know it all by then- have all the answers and that prized freedom. and when i was sixteen, i planned to be married by age twenty-three with two kids. i’ll always smile to myself when i think about how time changes things. and when i turned twenty four i made a list of as many goals as i had in years. by my 25th birthday, i’d accomplished them all.

and a funny thing happens about the time you turn twenty.five. people start asking about marriage and kids and houses. and you begin to worry about savings, retirement, and health insurance.  you start spending your money on plates.pots.new tires. short term sacrifices for long term gains, right? and sometimes you start to compare your 25 years with everyone else’s. you wonder if you’re on the right track because…

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Missing something you never had

Can you miss something that you never had?

By definition, it seems impossible to experience the mind-state of “missing” something if you have not experienced the thing that you are “missing”.

Even though the thing may be a figment of your imagination, that doesn’t mean you can’t miss it. You may be incorrectly missing something in the sense that you have fabricated something that you don’t actually miss; but that doesn’t mean you can’t experience all the symptoms and emotions of missing something.

I wish I were too busy to have a chance to miss you.

Wanting to do something? Kudos

Any.do researched task productivity, and came to the conclusion that if you set the due date for any task past six weeks…the probabiity that you will ever get to it is disgustingly low. The reason they arrived upon is that six weeks is considered the enthusiastic period, and the fresh sense of novelty and excitement are great catalysts for getting things done. Picking up an old instrument or hobby might bring out a sense of thrill and accomplishment, however after six weeks time you can bet that the original luster fades. “Once the initial inspiration has had a chance to wear off, you’re left with true intentions and will power.” The realization that a task, person, or thing might not mean as much to you as you initially thought is powerful information, however it can be difficult to swallow at times. Additionally, discerning that you aren’t as mentally strong, dedicated or responsible as you thought might push you to do some self-evaluation.

You don’t love all surprises.

Most of us say we love surprises, but in actuality, we only love the surprises that we want. The surprises that we don’t want, we call problems.

– Tony Robbins

Don’t be ungrateful

Next time you want to complain about life, think about the people that would say…”you shit in perfectly good drinking water”. 

Don’t let your emotions and feelings rule how you treat people. Always treat people with love and kindness, and in return, you will receive a joy that is unparalleled and otherwise unattainable.

So give an encouragement, a compliment, or even just a smile. You will get back tenfold.

Just be…

Be kind.

Be healthy.

Be smart.

Life is only as bad as you think of it to be. We convince ourselves that we are justified in our complaints and feelings of dissatisfaction, but we aren’t.

Social media: The end to life as we know it

Acting your age is bullshit

When someone says to you “grow up” or “act your age”, what you should feel is that this person has a firm grasp on how to speak in useless sentiments. There is no correlation between age and how one should act, because age isn’t something to act like. Age is merely a way to quantify how many years you have spent on Earth, not how many experiences you have had on it. Ages are not milestones or benchmarks. Milestones are milestones, and benchmarks are benchmarks. You are the way you are because of your experiences, not how long you have been around.

Life is as good as you believe it to be.

Life hits hard

Let me tell you something you already know. The world ain’t all sunshine and rainbows. It’s a very mean and nasty place, and I don’t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain’t about how hard you hit. It’s about how hard you can get hit and keep moving forward; how much you can take and keep moving forward. That’s how winning is done! Now, if you know what you’re worth, then go out and get what you’re worth. But you gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain’t where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody.

Wisdom from Rocky Balboa

Shortcuts aren’t always what you expect them to be…

Sometimes when life presents shortcuts, we decide to take them because we are lazy or shortsighted (most of the times it’s both). We think that the outcome will be the same, if not close to what the outcome would be if we hadn’t taken the shortcut…and most times that holds true. However there will also be cases where the outcome does not turn out as planned at all. More importantly, fixing the outcome to where it is simply satisfactory might take longer than if you were to take the normal route to where the outcome would be great. When that happens, a life lesson is in order.

What differentiates a person from being lazy and shortsighted with being efficient and smart, is not their ability to arrive and execute on as many shortcuts as possible, but their ability to discern which ones to take.

Someone once said…

Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.

Show strangers love

There is a strange correlation between how you treat strangers and the happiness you feel inside. Many times, we think that how we treat others depends on your mood…but what if the opposite was true? – that if you treat people with kindness and respect, that you in return will end up with a smile on your face.

We need to eradicate the mentality that we need to be in a good mood to give, and that if we receive we will feel happiness. Quite on the contrary, giving is what provides sustainable inner peace and joy. Next time, whether we are at the gas station or at the grocery store, remember to put a smile on, and greet one another…you won’t regret it.

This is water

There are these two young fish swimming along and they happen to meet an older fish swimming the other way, who nods at them and says “Morning, boys. How’s the water?” And the two young fish swim on for a bit, and then eventually one of them looks over at the other and goes “What the hell is water?”

The point of this fish story is that the most obvious, important realities are often the ones that are hardest to see and talk about. And what idea seems to be most banal yet unseen, is that we can choose how we view the world and our situations. The idea that our feelings of sadness, routine, and complacency are of utmost importance to the world…is where we are gravely mistaken. We can choose to view the world as revolving around ourselves, or we can open our minds to the fact that we are simply one of many. There are so many others that are dealing with far more severe issues and struggles, it is an injustice for us to complain. Instead, we should smile, help someone who is in need, and give a glimmer of hope to those who can’t stand to hope by themselves.

The real value of education, which has almost nothing to do with knowledge, has everything to do with awareness. The awareness that what is real, important and essential is too often obscured by our egotism.

Smile.

We don’t smile enough.
There are people out there that live in poverty and hunger, and a roof over their head or a load of bread will bring the utmost joy. Conversely, here we are…living in relative luxury, and we have a facial expression as if life isn’t worth living.

Smile, you no reason not to.

Take a seat on a rocket ship, any seat.

The three best pieces of career advice I have ever heard.

There is a time to learn, and there is a time to earn.

If you’re offered a seat on a rocket ship, get on, don’t ask what seat. In regards to looking for a career, look for growth. Look for the teams that are growly quickly. Look for companies that are doing well. Lastly, look for a place where you feel that you can have a lot of impact.

Don’t lose faith…You have got to find what you love, and that is as true for your work as it is for your lovers. Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do.

Live like nothing is ever certain?

Unlike dairy products you can buy at the grocery store, most things in life don’t have a concrete expiration date stamped on them. Your job, relationship, marriage, possessions, senses, and life can be taken, and you might not ever get a chance to fight for them. This is the fact of life.

The only thing we can control is how we choose to live.
Do we try and take every precautionary measure, so that we lower the probability of us losing the things we cherish most? or do we live life as if everything happens for a reason? Choosing between these two mentalities is something that I am constantly torn between. Although it doesn’t seem logical or sensible for us to live in constant apprehension of losing what we have, we should still fight to keep what is ours. Just food for thought.

Always be introspective

A wise man once said, “Watch your thoughts; they become words. Watch your words; they become actions. Watch your actions; they become habit. Watch your habits; they become character. Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.”

The initial lesson I learned from this quote is that I should be cautious of things that are seemingly small or insignificant, as they almost always morph and resurface as something deeper and much more detrimental. What I come to realize is that I have neglected the importance and repetition of the word watch. We can try to understand, believe and apply this advice, but the success is contingent on how willing we are in examining ourselves. Revealing and advantageous introspection is challenging because you have to be comfortable with the fact that you are not perfect, not even close. This may be scary and overbearing at times, but it can also be humbling and liberating. In conclusion, examine yourself, frequently. Introspection allows you to look back at your life while you still have chance to make some important changes.

Two most important life traits for success.

Any sensible person would agree that being curious and teachable are the two most beneficial traits a person could have. Curiosity combats complacency and replaces it with a never ending fountain of knowledge. Teachability combats pride and replaces it with humility, and the ability to establish friendships.

The 7 Most Unappealing Qualities In People

All credit goes to RYAN O’CONNELL from Thought Catalog. Thank you for this unfaltering wisdom.

1. Faux insecurity

“Oh my god, I am SO fat and ugly! Here are ten selfies of me on Instagram looking so hideous. Aren’t I sick looking? Here, let me take another picture of myself and post it on the Internet, just so everybody knows how gross I am!” Yeah, hi, whoever does this is fucking annoying. First of all, stop criticizing your appearance in front of other people because it makes them comfortable and it makes YOU look like you’re fishing for compliments. Secondly, you can’t put down your physical appearance and then post 10,000 selfies on Facebook. It doesn’t work that way. Everybody knows that if you really don’t like the way you look, you don’t take pictures of yourself or let anyone else do it either. In the past, you better BELIEVE I’ve made people de-tag unflattering photos of me on Facebook. You’re just a bad fucking friend if you do that. It ain’t right. So passive aggressive!

2. Actual insecurity

Still annoying, less terrible though. It shouldn’t be your friend’s job to prop you up every single day. Nobody likes a Debbie Downer. Find a way to love yourself ASAP before everyone around you decides to jump off a bridge.

3. Being competitive

Oh really? You actually care who wins this game of Scrabble? Like, you’re going to get legitimately upset if you don’t win? Great. You’re a super fantastic person to be around. Competitive people are the worst for so many reasons but one of the major ones is that they’re always trying to one-up their friends. “Oh, you got a boyfriend? Well, last night, I went on two dates with two different people and at the end of it, they both wanted to be my boyfriend so…” Ugh, they’re terrible. Like, why are you so threatened by my good news? Why does it scare you when I’m doing well, honey?

4. Name-dropping

Don’t speak (by No Doubt). I know you’re looking for a way to transition into a story about the one time you met Chloe Sevigny but please don’t. Because there is no seamless transition. You’re going to look like a name-dropper no matter how you slice it and name-droppers are TERRIBLE. Plus, everybody has seen or met Chloe Sevigny at one point in their lives sooo bye. (JK?)

5. Entitlement

Newsflash honey: The world doesn’t owe you shit. If you go into this life with a chip on your shoulder, you’re going to be constantly disappointed. And you’re going to complain and complain about your shitty life without ever doing anything about it. Not chic.

6. Holier-than-thou attitude

Oh really, you don’t do drugs or drink or turn in your work late or make mistakes or date the wrong people? Awesome. You’re a blast. And you’re also full of shit. Everyone is fucked up in their own little ways. Stop pretending you’re exception to the rule. There is only one perfect human being in the history of life and her name is Jennifer Lawrence.

7. A Know-It-All

In school, know-it-all’s would get wedgies in the hallway and I think those rules should still apply in adult life. There’s nothing more unattractive than a person who tries to make others feel inadequate and stupid. It’s like, “Nah, boo. You can’t make me feel dumb. I’m not 16 years old anymore. I now know that you’re just insecure and THAT’S sad.” Like, I’m not going to feel bad that I don’t know about this obscure indie band from the ’80s. Why should I?

No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.

Surrender to the fact that life is not fair.

Life is not fair, it never will be, and was never intended to be.
The sooner we surrender to that fact, the sooner we can realize that the feeling of self pity is useless. It is a waste of our mental strength, mental capacity, and time. The moment we engrain into our minds that life is not fair, that is when we can move past the complaining, and get to addressing the problem. We have no control over what hand we are dealt, the only thing we can do is strategize on how to make the best out of the cards that we are given.

Importance test

One simple test to better avoid overreacting and blowing situations out of proportion: Will this matter in one year?

Your ground…to stand or not to stand?

When arguments and disagreements occur, the one thing we fight for more than anything is our position. We try to stand our ground and defend our stance – and whether we succeed or not in this feat takes precedence over our happiness. When you win a fight or establish validity in your thinking, does that feeling ever match what you anticipated? Do you even think about how you want to ultimately want to feel from the discussion, or are you arguing for the sake of arguing?

More times than not, we start to believe that our positions are more important than our happiness. And sometimes we even get those two concepts mixed up, thinking that one results in the other. We are mislead in that assumption. When you let go and allow the other person to be right, you get to experience inner peace of releasing your built up anger, and the other person gets to experience the joy of being right.

Long term goals are somewhat detrimental.

No matter how hard you try, you will never discover what your future self will truly want or be passionate about. Having long term goals might close your mind and muddle your vision of new interests and passions.

(a) When you set a distant goal, you plan accordingly and strive towards achieving that objective.
(b) As you progress on a decided path, the opportunity cost of leaving increases with every step forward. (given that the step forward is progress towards achieving your set goal)
(c) As opportunity cost increases, the willingness to deviate from the path decreases.
(d) To better recognize what you want in life, you have to explore and keep your mind open to what the world has to offer.
(e) A lessened willingness to deviate from a set course decreases the amount of exploration and/or amount of open-mindedness.

Consequently from (d) and (e), setting a long term goal could interfere with the ability to identify your true and ultimate passions and desires.

You look to the future if you aren’t happy with the present.

If you are happy and love your present life, you will confidently know that you will be equally as delighted (if not more) with where you end up; given that you continue to try your best. The only time we look to the future and develop anxiety about getting to where we want to go…is when we feel as if our currently track won’t take us to our destination.